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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 4, 2019 13:57:45 GMT
Good Day, due to extreme boredom at work, and the moribund nature of this dying board, I will attempt to post a definition or two per day from the above mentioned work of reference, which makes typing noises come from my computer fooling other office go-ers that I am gainfully active.
"Still chewing a Revel" - the discomforting sensation upon finishing an unsatisfactory, or otherwise incomplete, sit down lavatory adventure.
"Chip Pan Winkle" - A somnolent, heavily refreshed fellow, whose kitchen catches fire at around 2am.
Chippopotamus - "A generously proportioned lady who honestly eats like a mouse, but whose glands consume vast amounts of deep fried potatoes.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 4, 2019 23:16:17 GMT
Thank you Pinters
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Post by Mr Katy Perry on Mar 5, 2019 10:03:51 GMT
Gave me a giggle that did. It’s even funnier out loud that it is in your head |
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 5, 2019 15:15:00 GMT
And in todays efforts, we are still in the "C"'s.
Crystal Gayle - 1. n prop. Long haired, lightweight US country performer of the 1970's. 2.n. A prison based sexual act which may (in fact almost certainly will) "Make your brown-eye blue".
Cubical Clown - n. The person in the next lavatory cubicle who sounds like he is making balloon animals.
Daddy Wrong Legs - n. a heavily refreshed gentleman of advanced years, throwing shapes on the dancefloor of a wedding reception while completely oblivious to the mortification of everyone else there.
Dairy Bags - n. Proper old fashioned churns of the sort Nurse Gladys Emmanuel would have stuck into Ronnie Barkers face while plumping his pillows, causing him to puff his cheeks out and blink amusingly.
Dashing white sargeant, the 1. n A traditional ballroom dance popular with old people. 2. n Hot beads of love piss fired at high velocity across the face and churns. Not necessarily quite so popular with old people.
Dealt a Beadle, to be v. While playing cards, to be dealt a totally shit hand.
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Post by Northy on Mar 5, 2019 15:23:42 GMT
Good Day, due to extreme boredom at work, and the moribund nature of this dying board, I will attempt to post a definition or two per day from the above mentioned work of reference, which makes typing noises come from my computer fooling other office go-ers that I am gainfully active. "Still chewing a Revel" - the discomforting sensation upon finishing an unsatisfactory, or otherwise incomplete, sit down lavatory adventure. "Chip Pan Winkle" - A somnolent, heavily refreshed fellow, whose kitchen catches fire at around 2am. Chippopotamus - "A generously proportioned lady who honestly eats like a mouse, but whose glands consume vast amounts of deep fried potatoes. Excellent, Ive not heard of these before |
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Post by Northy on Mar 5, 2019 15:24:35 GMT
I like this thread campers
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 5, 2019 16:03:16 GMT
I like this thread campers Thank you, its nice to be using my work time productively. Here is an extra definition or tow for you. Digestive Transit 1. n. Advert-speak for a massive steaming jobbie. 2. n. A lightweight commercial vehicle that delivers biscuits., Dirty Scarecrow - n. When roped in by your significant other to help change the bed sheets, the charming amusing and affectionate act of dropping a gut into an empty pillow case, forcing it over her head and gathering it around the neck. It is estimated that dirty scarecrows are the cause of 40% of marriage failures in the UK. Dog at broth, like a - sim. - Description of a desperate sexual act usually cumulonimbus. " After returning from war service, Prince Philip was like a dog at broth when introduced to her Majesty's front bottom". Doley Grail - n. A pot noodle Doomsday Book - n. Toilet literature perused between sobs whilst suffering an apocalyptic rectal breakdown. Usually Autotrader or an anthology of Jeremy Clarkson articles. |
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 5, 2019 16:49:26 GMT
Still got a few minutes to kill.
Draughty Front Door - euph A way to refer to a front bottom burp or queef while in polite company. "I do beg your pardon, Your Holiness. I've got a bit of a draughty front door this morning.' 'Think nothing of it Sister Assumpta, Mother Teresa came in for a look around the Sistine Chapel yesterday and her fish mitten was barking like a fucking terrier at a rabbit show.'
drawing with a brown crayon - n. An extended and frustrating session of post sit-down toilet adventure nipsy-husbandry, whereby one inscribes a sepia line across 50 sheets of bumwad before finally achieving an acceptably clean sheet. Or giving up. See also arse like a marmite pot. 'Sorry I was in there so long your Worship, I was drawing with a brown crayon. '
drayhorse's bottom lip - sim. A big floppy whiskery snatch. Full of carrots.
drinks under the dartboard, she looks like she - sim. Of a lady who possesses a face that does not necessarily conform to classical standards of beauty.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 10:30:52 GMT
And for todays delights, we continue in the "D"s.....
dry eye in my pants, there wasnt a - phr. Descriptive of a situation where the protagonist has experienced a level of visual stimulation such that an involuntary yoghurt drop has ensued. 'Christ did you see that Kirsty Gallagher doing the tango on Strictly last night? Jesus Christ, there wasnt a dry eye in my pants. And now its back to you in the studio Sian.
Duckhams, do a - v. to tip your filthy concrete after just a couple of pushes. Wittily named after the popular "2-stroke" engine oil.
eating sushi off a barber shop floor - exclam. Performing cumulonimbus on a piemans wig.
eBaids - n. The virulently infectious deadly germs that must be scrubbed off the disease ridden items bought on internet auction sites before they can be used. From eBay + AIDS.
Edward Jizzer-hands - n. A man who keeps his wanking spanners busy.
eel out of a welly, like shaking an sim. Phrase that can be used to describe the experience of having a shit that takes very little effort. An otter off the bank, if you will.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 10:56:39 GMT
This one tickled me..
Elsie Tanner Montana - n. Another phrase for an aging woman who adopts the fashions of someone much younger. Also atomic mutton, Nana Kournikova, Thora Bird
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 11:24:56 GMT
Erectory Enquiries - n. Tentatively prodding one's slumbering missus in the small of the back with the motorcycle kickstand in order to ascertain the probability of a bit of the other.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 11:27:52 GMT
Escape from alcotramp - v. to suddenly spot something fascinating in a shop window on the other side of the road when approaching an animated Harold Ramp.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 11:38:25 GMT
expresso bongo n. 1. A crap film from the 60's starring Sir Cliff Richard. 2. The fast forwarding through the uninteresting bits of the sorts of films which almost certainly do not star Sir Cliff Richard.
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Post by Time4aPINT on Mar 6, 2019 20:07:41 GMT
Good work Campers...
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Mar 6, 2019 21:47:20 GMT
I thought so... it's a big book and I'm v bored |
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Post by Northy on Mar 8, 2019 14:14:49 GMT
This one tickled me.. Elsie Tanner Montana - n. Another phrase for an aging woman who adopts the fashions of someone much younger. Also atomic mutton, Nana Kournikova, Thora BirdAtomic mutton, sounds like you would call a bowel movement the morning after a lamb vindaloo |
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Apr 8, 2019 12:53:15 GMT
Its back, work has reached new levels of moribundity.
Gashback -1. n. Reward points earned by buying chocolate, flowers etc which can be redeemed at the fish counter.
Gaseous Clay – A bowel movement during which the sufferer passes flatulence-assisted stools which look like something from a school pottery lesson.
Gash and Gary – n. of jazz periodicals, a comprehensive below stairs photograph of a lady in which both her front and back doors are on display.
Giggidy bytes – n. From the catchphrase of Family Guy character Quagmire, the hard drive space taken up on a red-blooded fellow’s computer by his erotic material.
Girafitti – n. Vandalism that spray painted very high up.
Gland to mouth existence – n. A living eked out using acts of horatio as currency.
Glenquidditch – n. Chaotic sport that involves running around with a broom between your legs after not enjoying single malt whisky responsibly.
Glitter ball – n. an under 16’s disco.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Apr 8, 2019 13:23:37 GMT
Gobble bobble – n. A hairband worn by a saucy minx to keep the hair out of her eyes while playing the pink oboe.
Gobble stopper – n. 1. A piece of shaped plastic which, when placed in a dogs bowl, stops it from gobbling it’s kibble or meat too quickly. 2. n. A piece of gold or platinum which, when placed on a woman’s finger, stops her from gobbling your meat. A wedding ring.
Golden Ticket -1. n. In Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the magical token which allowed Charlie Bucket and his grandfather to visit Willy Wonka’s fantastical confectionery works, and thus 2. n. In a sexual relationship, permission to enter the wife’s mysterious and exciting chocolate factory, though preferable without an elderly relative in tow.
Golden Wonder Woman – n. She who dodges the salad counter with a single bound.
Grange Hill Sausage – n. In the milieu of artistic cinematography, a popular trope, whereby something meaty appears unexpectedly, usually over the shoulder of an extremely surprised individual, hopefully without a fork stuck in it.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Apr 8, 2019 15:25:17 GMT
Greggs and Co. euph. A troupe of heavily-overweight pastry-fuelled dancing women. See also Flan’s People.
Greggs Bosons – n. phys. The less than mysterious particles that give plumpers their mass.
Guide dogging n. The act of dogging , but involving a car with tinted windows so that it’s difficult to see it going it.
Hag Reflex – n. Involuntary early morning retching caused by looking across at the lady occupying your bed and realizing that what looked like Dannii Minogue last night, now observed in the cold light of day, looks more like Danny La Rue. And not in a good way.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Apr 9, 2019 13:02:48 GMT
helium balloon n. The unfortunate situation that one sometimes obtains when doing a ladyfriend up the council, when the woman blows off and inflates the gentlemans chicken skin handbag, causing him, at the very least, to talk like Joe Pasquale, or in extreme cases, to float helplessly out of the window and be pointed at by passing children.
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