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Post by Northy on Dec 6, 2018 9:40:39 GMT
Just back from the USA and some of their toilet bowls are quite wide and hold a lot of water, your daily dump sits in the water floating as one, and you can look on impressively at the single size of them rather than them breaking up in our smaller toilet bowls
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Dec 21, 2018 21:06:25 GMT
Jesus, would you believe after months of shittorish allsorts, I'm back to one or 2 huge logs a day, unfortunately, due to an arse related condition, passing a large dreadnaught causes significant pain, tearing and bloodloss, which just starts to feel better by the following day when the cycle is repeated
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Dec 27, 2018 13:25:18 GMT
I thought my arse was fixed but on Boxing Day I needed three logs and log 2 broke my arse again. I've been using a special arse cream but you have to use a hard plastic nozzle to fire the cream up your chuff which isnt the best design. I can feel rumblings in the lower intestine which heralds the arrival of another bum ripping visitor. I'm sure one of you proud football folk must have some pearls of wisdom assist in my hour of need. I have contemplated taking imodium to block things up allowing regeneration of the nipsy but of course this will lead to the generation of a "Super Dreadnaught" which will of course make the situation more dire.
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Post by Northy on Dec 28, 2018 13:05:08 GMT
I thought my arse was fixed but on Boxing Day I needed three logs and log 2 broke my arse again. I've been using a special arse cream but you have to use a hard plastic nozzle to fire the cream up your chuff which isnt the best design. I can feel rumblings in the lower intestine which heralds the arrival of another bum ripping visitor. I'm sure one of you proud football folk must have some pearls of wisdom assist in my hour of need. I have contemplated taking imodium to block things up allowing regeneration of the nipsy but of course this will lead to the generation of a "Super Dreadnaught" which will of course make the situation more dire. get on moviprep for a couple of days, it will be like liquid firing out then, no need for stretching and straining. I feel your pain, I had similar about 10 years ago, had cream that you had to put on the sphincter using a glove and lying down on the bed, as it caused the blood to rush to the area and aid it's healing, the cream made you go a bit dizzy and lightheaded as all the blood had gone 'down below' The phrase 'tear you a new arsehole' has some meaning these days .... |
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Dec 28, 2018 14:42:17 GMT
Sounds like that cream might have recreational purposes, I would love to put that on a sick absence form "Lying down due to blood rushing to nipsy".
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Post by EnricoPalazzo on Jan 10, 2019 17:42:50 GMT
I ate a koftah at 620am today and it's safe to say I think my ass has prolapsed.
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Post by Time4aPINT on Jan 16, 2019 19:26:47 GMT
Did a very dark brown dump this morning. Probably caused by Titanic- Last Porter Call ale I was drinking after the match last night. It was a lovely shade of brown and didn't smell too much.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Jan 25, 2019 16:38:26 GMT
My nipsy is mostly better. Mind you, my plops are now coming out like treacle and my arse is like a marmite pot. Thankfully the Irish government is paying for the arsewipe.
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Post by Time4aPINT on Jan 25, 2019 22:42:48 GMT
My nipsy is mostly better. Mind you, my plops are now coming out like treacle and my arse is like a marmite pot. Thankfully the Irish government is paying for the arsewipe. Hope the worst of your bum troubles are soon to be a distant memory. Painful shits are never a good thing. |
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Post by Time4aPINT on Feb 5, 2019 22:20:13 GMT
Don't normally drink fizzy pop but had about a litre of coke today.
Just done a gassy almost fizzy dump. Quite explosive and not a pleasurable birth but it didn't smell too bad and I feel better now.
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Post by Northy on Mar 4, 2019 11:30:49 GMT
Tried a new gel when running today, 'as used by Mo Farah'
His house must stink, I've never known so much foul air come out of something for about 12 hours
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Post by Time4aPINT on May 12, 2019 19:17:48 GMT
Really don't like having to work on a Sunday afternoon. It doesn't help that they are making me graft for my pay.
The highlight of my working day so far has been having a dump. The nearest toilets were out of order so had a long walk to the next set of bogs. Fortunately I arrived in plenty time and had a most satisfying pooing experience. Feel a bit lighter now and as the dump was in work's time, I got paid for it!
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on May 13, 2019 6:28:33 GMT
Are you a vicar??
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Post by Time4aPINT on Jun 29, 2019 11:13:47 GMT
Think I've been overdoing the fruit and vegetables.....
Had a right ploppy poo earlier followed by a massive fart and a few more mini turds and liquidy fart ejections to finish off with after that.
Feel a lot better after my bowel movement. All is well!
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Post by Northy on Jul 1, 2019 20:30:28 GMT
Think I've been overdoing the fruit and vegetables..... Had a right ploppy poo earlier followed by a massive fart and a few more mini turds and liquidy fart ejections to finish off with after that. Feel a lot better after my bowel movement. All is well! Sure there wasnt a bad pint in there as well ? |
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Post by Time4aPINT on Jan 22, 2020 22:22:34 GMT
Had my five portions of fruit and vegetables today and as result I have just had a most splendid and satisfying dump.
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Post by Campervan Von Bigglesworth on Jan 23, 2020 11:21:53 GMT
I managed to smear the inside of the bowl with foul smelling shit at work, I was so proud I hid in the next trp to enjoy the delight of the next visitor to my erstwhile foulings.
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Post by Time4aPINT on Sept 5, 2020 20:26:38 GMT
Haven't eaten a massive amount today but I've had a couple of really big shits so far and I might need another one soon. Too much fruit and vegetables probably.
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Post by Northy on Jan 13, 2022 10:18:42 GMT
Had some milk on my breakfast yesterday, didn't realise it was a bit off until the Mrs went to use it and said it smelt funny.
Yesterday morning was a bit dodgy.
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